Motherhood; not even one thing like I expected.

I guess since this is my place on the internet I can confess this. I mean who is reading this anyways? Motherhood is nothing like I expected. Not a bit.
Is that bad? No, thank goodness.

It's just kind of shocking. A lot of it because I’m honestly pretty lost. I think growing up an only child in a pretty dang broken home I watched other families who were “normal” and thought wow, their lives are so easy and calm!

I know now that being close and connected and not a broken home takes an overwhelming about of intentionality and yes, work. Motherhood is work. Love is work. Work is thankfully, something I love.

I didn’t expect the absolute constant worry and concern. And the fact that even with that I still end up being selfish. Which is disappointing to me, but I know what I think is selfish is actually trauma that hasn’t been fully processed because I seem to think taking a break or needing things is selfish. Oy vey. You too?

I started typing this not quite sure where it was going to go, just trying to dust off the ole writing chops and get myself used to sharing my vulnerable raw things in this manner again on this new blog and wow did I. Motherhood has absolutely cracked me open for the last 12 years and the truth is, thank goodness its not all cuddles and food making. Thank goodness it’s been so much more than I ever expected, it isn’t what burns me out, its what reveals all of the areas I’ve dimmed my light and where I have work to do to burn brighter than before.

Is motherhood what you expected?